I just read the words of Debbie Hanifin on Facebook. She is a young black woman living in Fairfield, CT. I used to live there. Fairfield is predominately white and affluent. Seems like the bigots in Fairfield want her to move back to Bridgeport, which is more economically and racially diverse. I am appalled at the insults Debbie and her family suffer. Although I don’t know her and can’t confirm her claims, I believe her. Why? Because I raised two mixed race girls in a predominately white community. I know that people of color experience bias every day from “color blind” people.
These are the words of my daughter, Kayla Nicole Von Behren. Read them. Weep with me. Consider how you would feel if this were the life your child lived. Kayla’s mother is white and she was raised in a white community but the world sees her as black because of her skin tone.
“How do i deal with racism?
I work out, meditate, and yoga.
It’s a good day when I don’t deal with racism! I make sure I am speaking properly so people take my words seriously. I read a lot and educate myself to obtain knowledge that will qualify me to engage and be seen as equal to my counter parts. Working in the deli has me dealing with racism a lot. I smile and try spreading love to try and break their thinking cycle. I smile at kids to help produce positive thoughts upon those of color. I make eye contact to try to show truth and peace. I have even changed a few minds! The process is painful and I often shrink myself to make others more comfortable. What saddens me the most is when my siblings go through it and they explain through our family group chat another thing that happened to them. I just want to protect them but I can’t be there all of the time. I’m afraid to reproduce because I don’t want future babies to deal with the harsh realities. Working out, meditation, and yoga give me my power back. I’m doing my part every day by trying to change minds andI’m tired. Spreading love is the ultimate challenge when someone hates you for the color on your skin. That’s why I truly, from every bit of my being thank those who are saying something! My heart couldn’t be more relieved. I love you. Stay kind. #icantbreathe”
Do you insist you are color blind? I used to think I was. Now, dig deep. Do you ever secretly default to a stereotype in the back of your mind? Asian Tiger Mom? [Asian mothers have to demonstrate they are not overbearing.] Drunk Indian? [Native Americans have to avoid drinking among whites.] Thuggish black teenager? [Black boys have to avoid playing with toy guns and wearing hoodies.] Cops are thugs with badges? [Good white cops have to go out of their way to show their humanity.] This is racism. Don’t turn a blind eye, because it avoids the hard work of making the world a better place. See color. Embrace color. Insist on equal treatment of all. SAY SOMETHING.
Just the other day I overheard a conversation between friends. Keep in mind I live in Montana. We don’t have many black people but we do have Native Americans. One of my friends made a disparaging comment about “those Indians on the Rez.” I was shocked and horrified that someone I consider a friend would think such a thing, let alone speak it. But I didn’t say anything. Damn it. I’m a coward. I excused my inaction because I was not a part of the conversation, just an eavesdropper. I was faced with an opportunity and did nothing. Shame on me.
I don’t expect you to apologize for being white. That’s never been the point. The point is whether or not you want to proactively make this world a better place for everyone. For my daughter, Kayla, who doesn’t want to reproduce because she can’t bear to force a child to live in a world with such hatred. Read Kayla’s story. Read Debbie Hanfin’s story. Read Ramesh Nagarajah’s story. Keep reading. Keep thinking. Keep scrutinizing the memes on social media. What to believe? Someone who puts their name to a story or an anonymous gif?
It’s interesting to me that a meme going viral asserts that 99.95% of people are color blind and that 99.995% (that is GREATER than 99.95%) of cops are good cops. Show me the stats. Where did these numbers come from? Is it true just because you read it on the internet?
Why in the world would someone respond to Black Lives Matter with All Lives Matter? We don’t demean a pink ribbon for breast cancer by asking “HEY, what about colon cancer?”
It’s an ironic twist that there is a meme bashing protesters for not wanting to be lumped with looters and rioters because that is what they are doing to the cops. Step back a minute. People of color have been systematically stereotyped and racially profiled for generations. THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE PROTEST. Now do you get it? Hurts, don’t it?
Dig a little deeper into the meaning of your words. Understand what they truly mean before you speak them or share them. Open your mind. Open your heart. Be kind. Be sensitive. Say something. My child is tired of carrying this burden every day.
2020
